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Wedding Family Politics

They always say politics do not mix well with family and friends and quite frankly no matter the setting they never do. One thing I constantly have to coach my clients through is weaving through the Wedding Family politics. Whether you just got engaged and have no idea what i'm talking about, or you're about 2-3 months into your engagement and starting to get the idea of where I am going with this. Fear not! There is hope no matter what stage you are in. I always recommend my clients to remember who is saying "I do" the day of your wedding, those are the only two opinions that should matter.

Here is where things get a little hairy ( fear not I have the razor) when you have in-laws or your own parents that say they will pay for the wedding or help pay. When money is involved so are opinions, sooner or later no matter what, an opinion will sprout from the ground and 8 times out of 10 you will not agree with it. Parents and in-laws get very pushy, some view this as their second chance at planning a wedding. Depending on how old they are most women back then didn't have much of a say in their wedding so now they feel it's their turn. You can see where the hair starts to grow.

If you have parents or in-laws insisting on financially helping with the wedding it's good to keep things nice and clear. Scout out your venue and/or vendors and tell them a set cost/bill. If you would like to help us pay for the wedding, the venue is X amount. This will help you and your partner keep the important decisions in your court meanwhile still getting financial help from your family.

Practice makes perfect, practice assertively saying things without coming across as rude. Here's an example " I kinda really wanted the guests to wear fun colors to the wedding" versus " James and I are having the guests wear more lively colors to our wedding instead of the traditional black-tie because we feel it better represents us" . You may think you’re sounding nice in the first statement, but when you only use "I" instead of "we" they feel they can sway you to think otherwise or it’s something that isn’t that well thought out by the two of you. Remember there is strength in numbers, when family politics come into play it's crucial you and your partner keep an open line of communication, with both of you united it will be much harder to fall.

At the end of the day family always means well, they may make your life difficult but most of the time they don't realize what they are doing when they are doing it. Don't get discouraged, keep your head up, your opinions strong and you will see it all gets easier!

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